A Day of Compassion

This week I embarked on an epic challenge: to be maximally compassionate for a solid 24 hours. At first glance this may seem like a fairly simple task; however, I found that this proves to be rather difficult when actually attempted. I generally consider myself to be a fairly compassionate person on a daily basis but it wasn’t until this week that I gained a better understanding of what constitutes compassion, and furthermore what compassion means to me.

                Prior to the start of my 24 hour period, I had tried to anticipate ways in which I could express and maintain compassion in a variety of situations. I came up with several ideas including sticky notes with positive messages, personalized messages to loved ones, and taking on extra chores and cooking responsibilities. My marathon of compassion started on Wednesday evening and continued into the evening of the next day. One of my first acts of kindness was preparing dinner for my roommate who had been having a rough week. Typically we work together or split the tasks of cooking dinner and completing chores, but this time I took the initiative to cook for the two of us in hopes that she would have a chance to either relax or get some studying done. Following dinner, I went ahead and put away the clean dishes and loaded the dishwasher again to once again free up some of her time by finishing a simple task. This clearly wasn’t a magnificent feat, but I could tell that my roommate sincerely appreciated the gesture and thanked me several times. Starting with the next morning, before leaving for work I wrote up a couple inspirational messages (such as “expect good things” with a smiley face) on sticky notes and left them in several places in the apartment for my roommate to find later. She had a lot going on that day and an important test to prepare for so I wanted to offer some optimism and support to help her get through the day. I got text messages later in the morning telling me how much she appreciated the notes and having me in her life. Once I got to work (I’m a tutor/care provider), I made sure to smile as much as possible and provide compliments and encouragement when appropriate. Before leaving for the day, I also left a handmade card wishing everyone a wonderful spring break along with some cookies. Unfortunately, I was not there to see the reaction but I’m hoping they enjoyed my small “just because” gift. After work, I went to campus for class. I used this time as an opportunity to be really polite and smile often. I also tried my best to be really cooperative and patient during lab when we had to work together to construct a motor. My efforts actually made the process go by faster and seem less tedious. After lab was over I went to my second job (OA Staff Supervisor). I arrived a little earlier than normal so I went ahead and did some extra hole-punching and office work for the program coordinator.  Soon after, we went to go set up for Thursday’s OA session. Since our School Liaison was a little stressed out due to a large number of absences, another staff member and myself helped her get the pairings done and everything else ready. Everyone was much more at ease once these obstacles were tackled. I continued my compassionate efforts by being positive and smiling often. These are small changes but they definitely make a difference in having the sessions run smoother and ensuring that everyone has a good time. After OA, I came home to find a new furry friend in the apartment. This grey cat had apparently been crying outside our door and so my roommate took the cat in and put it in my bathroom until I got home. While on most days I would have been more inclined to be irritable and concerned about all of this, I took this as another opportunity to show compassion. Instead of snapping at my roommate for bringing this animal into our home which could potentially have fleas or some other disease, I chose to calmly ask about what had happened and how much the animal had been handled/exposed to the apartment. Then I calmly communicated my concerns about health and safety in addition to my shared desire to help this animal if I could. I’m not really a cat person. I definitely prefer dogs but I have a soft spot for situations like this. After taking the cat, which appears to be female, to a local clinic to be scanned for a microchip (with no success), we returned home with the cat. Instead of dwelling on all of my concerns and apprehensions, I chose to adopt a different mindset and focus on what is best for the animal. Thus, the cat is currently residing in my bathroom (because our visitor wasn’t a huge fan of our pet cat) until we can locate the animal’s owners. Strangely enough, the presence of this foreign cat doesn’t seem to bother me as much as I imagine it would have. In the midst of all the day’s events I also chose to send heartfelt messages to my mom and several of my close friends to let them know how much they mean to me and how proud I am of their accomplishments. These were things I’d been meaning to say for a long time but had kept putting off for various reasons. One friend replied saying my message brought her to tears and she thanked me for being there for her. My mom’s reaction was somewhat humorous in that her initial response was inquiring about what inspired my message. After explaining that I just wanted to send something nice to show how much I appreciate her, she ultimately found it very sweet and a nice pick-me-up during her long day at work.   Overall, the reactions to the “compassionate me” were warm, thoughtful, and thankful. I don’t believe anyone attributed my actions to some random situation, but more or less thought it to be a more pronounced display of who I am as a person.

The way in which I define and interpret the concept of compassion has certainly shifted this week as well. Prior to this experience, I viewed compassion as just a state of caring and kindness. Now I associate compassion not only with caring and kindess, but also gratitude. Especially when I wrote the messages to my mom and friends I found myself being more thankful and appreciative which, in my mind, conveys a deeper meaning of earnest appreciation in comparison to just “kind” or “caring”. This kind of expression definitely requires some energy and the ability to self-regulate (so you don’t chew your roommate out for putting strange animals in your bathroom) but the reward and satisfaction of helping others and contributing to their happiness is definitely worth the effort. You, in turn, feel great about what you have done and this fuels a cycle of positivity. Furthermore, I think I was able to get more out of this experience due to my mood being exceptionally great this week (thanks to some great news about graduate school). It’s a great example of the good mood effect which highlights the trend that when we are happy and feeling good, we are also more helpful and considerate (Aderman, 1972; Isen & Levin, 1972).

                This challenge of compassion has provided me with several new insights which are pertinent to different social psychology concepts. For example, this experience has elaborated on my understanding of Duval and Wicklund’s self-awareness theory (1972). This theory states that most individuals are not typically focused on themselves but particular situations can cause people to become more introspective and self-aware (Duval & Wicklund, 1972). Likewise, some individuals are inherently more self-focused than others. Self-awareness and the negative discrepancies that tend to accompany it can inspire individuals to change their behaviors in order to meet personal or social standards, or withdraw from self-awareness instead. This concept relates to my experience in that by placing myself in a situation where my goal is to be compassionate for an entire 24 hours, I have come to realize that I am not always as kind, gracious, or compassionate as I’d like to be. Thus, I now have a strong desire to work to change my behavior in order to meet a standard that I have imposed on myself. This process is not easy and requires a great deal of self-regulation but can be done successfully with sustained motivation. Studies have shown that when people are faced with lots of important demands, it seems costly to spend time on helping others and thus attention is devoted to those demands over the helpful behavior as a result of time pressure (Batson et al., 1978; Darley & Batson, 1973).  Because of this, I am going to have to compensate for my busy lifestyle and constant influx of distractions in order to see improvement and meet my new goals. Thanks to this experience, I hope to start incorporating more compassionate actions into my daily life and strengthen my social relationships in the near future.

                 So what’s my take home message based on my experience? If you want to foster compassion in yourself and others, smile (yay! facial feedback hypothesis) and adopt a good mood. In addition to that, shift your focus to other people, practice empathy, and actively work to change/maintain positive emotions and behaviors. It’s as simple as that.

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Aderman, D. (1972). Elation, depression, and helping behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24, 91-101.

Batson, C. D., Cochran, P. J., Biederman, M. F., Blosser, J. L., Ryan, M. J., & Vogt, B. (1978). Failure to help when in a hurry: Callousness or conflict? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 4, 97-101.

Darley, J. M., & Batson, C. D. (1973). From Jerusalem to Jericho: A study of situational and dispositional variables in helping behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 27, 100-108.

Duval, S., & Wicklund, R. A. (1972). A theory of objective self-awareness. New York: Academic Press.

Isen, A. M., & Levin, P. A. (1972). Effect of feeling good on helping: Cookies and kindness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 21, 384-388.